I'm Back

          It’s been a long time, such a long time since I’ve blogged. I’ve felt the blog calling my name and yet, I’ve been so darn exhausted that I haven’t been able to sit down and attempt to write more than a sentence or two on Facebook. 

The last time I posted on this blog was over two years ago, for MA’s birthday. She is now eleven. So much has changed since that time, most notably, the extra two extra tiny children who now live at our house. :)

I want to be able to write down some of the special things that I want to remember some day. Without doing this, things I know I will certainly forget. Josh had all of my blog entries printed up to this point and gave it to me for my last birthday. It was one of the best presents ever and it was a great kick in the pants for me to continue writing things down. The kids loved reading all of the stories and pictures I had recorded. I had almost forgotten those sweet stories and the feelings I had back then. I laughed and cried my way through the two big novels Josh had published for me. I am SO glad to have those sweet memories in book form!

I’m going to attempt to write a little more often, just to preserve these moments for the kids to read later. I guess I also like to use a blog for a little bit of introspective reflection as well.

          I like to talk, sometimes too much. I think my writing is similar to my brain. My mind is always going, always looking for ways to improve myself. I’m constantly on some sort of a self-improvement crusade.  The flip side of that is almost ever present guilt that I know shouldn’t be there. I have been told that I am a little bit too intentional. You’d think I’d be a better person by now after all of the many times I became passionate about some sort of project I was heart-convicted about! I just keep plugging along, doing the best I can to find God’s will for my life, confident that He’s working to transform me into the person He wants me to be, even if it isn’t on my timetable. I want to document a few of the wonderful things that have transpired over the last two and a half years.

I will start with what I consider to be the most important developments in my life over the last few years. I have experienced since the time posts were last written on this blog, a tremendous amount of spiritual growth. I have always read my Bible habitually throughout my life.  It all started when, in third or fourth grade, the church my family was attending issued a challenge. They challenged the congregation to read through the Bible in a year. Each week our preacher David Roper, would list that week’s reading assignment in the church bulletin. I followed along with enthusiasm. I wanted to complete the assignments, but really I just wanted to meet the goal, reading through the Bible in a year. I did it! I met my goal. Bible reading to me was a goal to be met. I checked that off of my to-do list and then... I didn’t read the Bible on a regular basis again for a long time. God was still working on this part of my life.

In college, my Bible reading became regular again for a while. I resumed again after Josh and I got married, after Mary Alice was born, etc. I made it through several intense Bible studies, but never felt the need to have daily quiet time with God. I don’t mean I didn’t have consistent quiet time. I did, for a few months here and a few months there. What I mean was that I didn’t NEED this time. I didn’t require it.

At just the right time, my sister-in-law introduced me to a wonderful Bible reading plan, Professor Horner’s Bible reading system. God was working, through this, to draw me even closer to Him. I was exhausted from the responsibilities of caring for and schooling so many little ones and several other hardships were going on with some people in my life. For the first time, I started to NEED the strength that God’s Word provided just to get through each day. Now, I am happy to say that I have a heart that truly hungers for God’s Word to fill up its broken and empty spaces. If I don’t have my daily time in His Word, I feel as bad as if I didn’t brush my teeth that morning or skipped meals. My heart is hungry, instead of my body. I need to be filled with His truths. God has answered so many of my prayers in the last two and a half years and filled my heart with a richness I want to share with others. God is still working on me. His Word is alive and active, as is the Spirit’s power in my life. I can see so many evidences of Him speaking directly to me through the Bible and this excites me!

          God has answered so many of my prayers for things and in ways I didn’t expect. It is funny how God chooses to answer our prayers sometimes. I have prayed earnestly at times for God to bless my life in certain ways, thinking that I knew just how he could/would do it. God surprises me, though. He usually never answers prayers the way I think He should. His way is always right. Love Him! Anyway, I hate to drone on, but this is such a wonderful bright spot over the past two years that I had to mention it. I love how people can continue to grow, even though they may have been a Christian for decades, there are always opportunities for positive change! No matter where you are on your spiritual journey, God can grow you to be more like Him, never perfect, but growing.

          In the last few years I have lost two grandparents, a great aunt, a close friend from college, and a father-in-law. We named our fourth daughter Mabel Emmalee after my sweet Grandma Emma Lee Stewart and after my great aunt Mabel, some special people who’ve left their imprints on my life. Just last night, I was lying in bed with Milla telling her the story of my Grandma Emma Lee and telling her some of the things I loved about my Grandma Stewart. Right now, we also talk regularly about Grumpy (Josh’s dad), how and why he in Heaven, and what he must be doing there. Losing people you love is hard. It is so important to love on people while you can, share with people, reach out to people, show God’s love to them. Not much else in life matters. I want to be good at this. I’m working on it. God is working on me.

          This was such a lengthy post. I haven’t written in so long. I feel a little rusty and out of practice. I didn’t know how to start this post and now I’m not sure how to end it. :)  I have had a major need to document some of the goings-on around here. On another day, I will have to write a little bit about my sweet and special kiddoes. I don’t think people out there are dying to read my sentiments about my little darlings. That’s fine. I’m writing this down primarily for them to read and maybe for the small handful of family members who feel the same way about my precious kids that I do. :) In fact, I may go private...Until next time...