Oh.... Grow up!

I just wanted to write down what I am feeling right now as a record. I would like to get one of those blogbooks that I read about on someone else's blog. I want to have one of these to keep as a memento to remind me of what was going on in my life at this exact moment in time. I am hoping that I can look back and smile, and thank God for just how much I've grown.

Last night, I poured my heart out to a friend on the phone. It seems that I have been doing alot of that lately. If you should dare to ask me right now, I won't only tell you what is going on with me, I might just scare you away with all of the details that you never ever wanted to know plus a few more unnecessary facts just to make you think that I am a nutcase! Really. I don't want to scare anyone reading this. I should make it clear that things with me aren't that bad. In fact, they are looking up. I am just having a few issues with understanding God's will and am looking for clear direction. I am to the point, though, that I have prayed and prayed about a certain situation and am desperately looking for an answer to that prayer. I am now at a place where I am sortof trying to force answers to that prayer. I do this by telling people everything that is going on and then explaining my dilemma. Secretly, I am hoping that they will tell me that they have seen a vision, and that God has told them exactly what I should do. I know that I need to learn some patience and learn to wait on God for His answer. I know that I need to stop worrying. I really do hate waiting, though. This is your fair warning, don't call to chat with me. You just might get more than you bargained for!

I didn't intend to type so much about that. Back to the phone conversation... This woman, whom I consider to be very wise, made the mistake of e-mailing me and wanted a reply. I called this woman, poured out most of my life story, and then solicited advice. She gave some advice that I thought was very good. It was not the advice that I found as helpful, though, as the example of the woman herself. This woman shared some of her life experiences with me (which were very much like the things that I have been going through). She shared how she got through the same little hurdle that I have been trying to get through. We talked for a while about this and that. One of the things that she talked about was how she had recently been diagnosed with cancer and "didn't lose a wink of sleep over it", knowing that God would take care of her.

This was so good to hear! A woman, whom I consider very wise and godly, used to be like me. She struggled with the same problems that I struggle with. Now, after several more decades have been added to her life, she has come to a place where she can not lose a wink of sleep when diagnosed with cancer. Her trust in God is evident. She is content in every circumstance. She is at peace. This gives me so much hope!! I was just so encouraged by the GROWTH that has taken place in her Christian walk. It is so neat to think that I don't always have to be this yucky person that I am, that God can shape me into something better. Hopefully, when I am the age of this woman, I will be able to look back at the young me and laugh at how foolish I was.

I already look back and laugh when thinking about past years of my life. Mary Alice and I watched Josh and my wedding video last week. It was quite humorous to watch Josh and I on our wedding day. We were such idiots! We were barely out of high school and had to be coached through such things as how to cut the cake and how to hold a champagne glass. We were HURT! I was hurt. Aside from the social etiquette that we so obviously lacked, though, we had a lot to learn about life. We still do. God just uses all of these little moments of life to teach us something about Him, to grow our faith. Won't it be great one day when we can be "all grown up"?