My Thoughts

I feel like I need to apologize for my lack of blogging lately. I have been extremely busy....so busy, in fact, that I have been feeling guilty. There are all of these things that I simply can't miss...church activities, meetings, and other things. I know I've mentioned this before, but a hurried and busy lifestyle makes my life miserable. It is hard sometimes to have so many truly good things that you need to be involved in. When I start becoming involved with too many things, though, it seems like the most important things (quiet time, time with family, time to be still) get shoved aside. I have a few girlfriends who are able to function well in the midst of busyness, I simply cannot.

On a positive note, I recently met a really fabulous friend through the blog world. This woman and I have been e-mailing novel length e-mails for the past week or so. I have enjoyed learning about her and her family, asking her questions and discussing religious viewpoints. My writing energy has been spent enthusiastically e-mailing this woman. It has truly been a blessing.

I have been thinking about lots of things lately. Deep thoughts (for me, at least)... One of these thoughts is just how many things that I notice myself doing that remind me of my mother. These are things that I swore I would NEVER do. For example, when I was little, I remember my mom tearing up and even (gasp!)crying during a worship service. YES! This is now happening to me!!!! It is so embarrassing! Last weekend, a group of teenagers performed a worship song on stage. They just looked so darn sweet! I....just....couldn't....help myself. Actually, I could. I got it under control just in time to keep the tears from rolling down my face. I remembered how much it embarrassed me when my mom used to cry in church. I was able to stop myself by saying, "I will not do this." and by biting my tongue until it hurt. To top things off, I can think of at least four times that I have had to stop myself from crying during the song service or during an especially inspirational sermon. Why is this???? I have been told by my closest friends that I have an "intense" personality. This is something that I do not like about myself. I would rather be less passionate, less apt to cry about the littlest things. I fear, it is only getting worse. On the flip side of that, I have decided that being compassionate is one of the gifts that God has given me. I feel such a sense of urgency towards the souls of others. I feel such a need to make sure others have what I have. I'm not trying to brag, but to give an excited realization that our weaknesses (for me hyper-emotionalism) can also be our strengths (deeply caring for others).

Today, in BSF, we were discussing Romans 14. This is the chapter in the Bible that talks about disputable matters. This was a really good lesson for me to hear! I have such a problem with this. I have these little convictions about certain things. Sometimes I wish I didn't have them. It would definitely make life a whole lot easier. I try not to judge other people and their choices about things that I consider to be the wrong choices. It is such a battle for me. Before you think I am both arrogant and proud, just understand that I am trying really hard to work on these things. This lesson was wonderful for me to hear. There are many things (that are disputable) that I get into the trap of thinking are actually stated in Scripture. These things that I feel so strongly about are NOT clearly stated in Scripture. They are my own personal convictions. I need to remember that some of these people are doing things according to their own convictions and are also doing the right thing, if they are believing and not doubting that it is the right thing to do. (Is that wordy enough for you? :) This sure makes life easier, doesn't it. I mean, I sure do have enough character flaws and decisions to worry about in my own life without ever thinking about what anyone else is doing. That is not beneficial to anyone.

Oh, and another way that I am finding myself to be just like my mother is the fear I am gripped with when I have to travel. I love travelling, just as long as the kids are with me. Tomorrow morning, I am leaving to go to a conference in Minnesota. I have been looking forward to going to this conference for months! A bunch of my sweet girlfriends from Dallas (and North Carolina) will be going with me. I shouldn't be jittery, but just get so anxious and guilty whenever I leave my kids. I absolutely hate to leave them. I am a mother with separation anxiety. So, what do you do when a child has separation anxiety? With my kids, I just gave them a kiss and a hug, told them I would be back, and left them. I am going to have to have that done tomorrow, in reverse. Josh and the kids will have to give me a kiss and a hug and tell me that they'll see me in few days. Then I'll just have to make myself go. Pathetic, isn't it? I know I'll have fun, though. I'm so excited to attend this conference again.

Today, after BSF, I went to Dillards to return a dress that I bought on Saturday. The dress was defective. I was sad about this too, because it really was an a- dorable dress. It was this really cute flowy, gauzy dress that you wear over jeans, very funky, very cute. It had these two large buttons on the front, kindof the same concept as overalls, but with buttons where the clasps would be. I had it on, worn over a t-shirt and jeans,... I was feeling pretty stylish.

When I returned from the hair salon, Josh gave my dress a puzzled look. He said, "Uh...Didn't that dress have buttons on it earlier?" Randomly, BOTH buttons on my dress had popped off while I was getting my hair cut. There were strings hanging off of my dress!!

I went to Dillards to return the dress, took it up to the cashier, handed them my receipt and the tags, told them of my defective dress and was told that I could not return the dress because it had been worn. I calmly explained that I had not played soccer in the dress, but merely sat in the dress for around two hours, and that it had fallen apart (rather quickly, I might add). They said that they were sorry, but that there was nothing that they could do because it was their "store policy". I wanted to ask them if it was also their store policy to sell fall-apart dresses. I decided not to say that. :) Remembering my friend, Holly Grubbs, I (sweetly) asked if I could please speak to the manager. I spoke to the manager, (firmly, but ever so sweetly) and was finally able to secure my refund!!!

One more thing.... Go to my friend,Tamra's, blog to read about just why I am so excited about this amazing conference I'm going to be attending!

Say a little prayer for me as I make the trip to Minnesota tomorrow. The kids will be fine. It's me I'm not so sure about.